Fear, Faith, and Future

Our family moved from Los Angeles to San Jose in July 2019. Relocation brought with it uncertainty and the hassle of decision-making: In which neighborhood should we live? Which church is best for our family? How should we rearrange our furniture?

Finding a good school for our seven-year-old son was, by far, the most crucial decision that we faced. A few months ahead of our move, we toured eight private Christian schools in the Bay Area. After much prayer and consideration, we made our choice.

But even after the decision was finalized and the tuition was paid, I was restless. Doubts lingered. Did we make the best decision for our son? What if Simon and I were wrong about the school?

I took my anxious thoughts to God in prayer every day. One morning, as I meditated on my Scripture reading for the day, Genesis 32, I saw a striking similarity between Jacob and me–we were both perturbed about what lay ahead.

Jacob comes to know that his estranged brother, Esau is on his way to meet him. This news triggers a flurry of actions from Jacob, who is afraid his brother might kill him. He divides his people into two groups and sends lavish gifts to Esau. Amidst the tension, the patriarch does pray and remind himself of God’s promise to prosper him. Still, fear takes over, and he makes one backup plan after another.

When the brothers are finally reunited, the scene is far from violent or vengeful. Esau embraces his twin brother (Genesis 33:4), showering him with love and affection. Jacob’s fears were, after all, unfounded and unnecessary.

Like Jacob, I wasted precious time and energy fretting about a future that He had already secured. Instead of having faith that God had enabled us to choose the right school for Ryan and that He was in control of our future, I was apprehensive.

I felt a burden lift off me as I repented and received God’s grace and peace. 

Almost two months into the new school year, I can say with confidence now that God guided our steps to Ryan’s new school. We love it! I’m thankful that God intervened and put a halt to my worrying thoughts and contingency plans. With God by my side, and God going ahead of me, all I need to face the future is faith, faith in His goodness and sovereignty.

(This article was first published in my newsletter.)

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